Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
