he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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