Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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