How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I supernannyed him into submission
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
