she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
