I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
