Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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