just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
