Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
