He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize