I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
