You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if only i could text you this smell
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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