Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
