just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
