I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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