Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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