your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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