We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
