dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
