After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
