Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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