anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
