she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
