I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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