Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Semen is not good for contacts.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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