I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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