We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
