Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
