theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
