girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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