not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
