it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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