Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
