Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
