I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
