Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
