just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
