One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
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That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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