i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
