i barfeds in our rink
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
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We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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