he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
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P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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