Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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