the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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