my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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