***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
