why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
