how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
