I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
