You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
