If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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