think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
