I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
