I hope mine doesn't look like that
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
