I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
