Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
