the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
