I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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