Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
