Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
