then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
