Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
