Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
