And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
