Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
