You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize