I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
