On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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