i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
