Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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