So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
