What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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